Once upon a time there was an alcoholic father. Now, this was a long time ago, so you don’t need to be calling child services, but he used to hurt the kid. Sometimes he was good, but sometimes he wasn’t. I don’t know what his issues were, but I do hope his story turned out alright.

However, this isn’t his story. See, his kid, let’s call him George, was into geeky stuff. Aliens, spaceships, space battles, that sort of thing. He went to conventions and collected action figures and build model planes and stuff. He was into things like Flash Gordon. (AH-AHHHH!!!)

So anyway, George grew up and made Star Wars, a film series about one boy’s relationship with his father. The father having a light side (Ben) and a dark side (Vader). Mind. Equals. Blown.

(By the way, read the book Empire Building to find out if I’m telling the truth or not. It goes into way more detail too. You know, being a book and all.)

At some point, George hired this guy called Ed to make digital effects for him. And together they worked on CGI as employer and employee. And also everyone else who was part of the Lucasfilm Computer Graphics Group.

Elsewhere, in a place far, far away… Two people adopted a kid with the promise that he would go to college, when the time came.

The kid, let’s call him Steve, went to college. But he was a rebel, so he took acid, dropped out, and started Apple Computers with his friend, Other Steve.

At some point Apple Computers Inc. (some kind o’ fruit company), made a ton of cash. (And Forrest had one less thing to worry about.)

Then Steve was kicked out with nothing but his slice of the ton of cash. He became bitter and upset for a while, and he swore he’d make his own company, with blackjack, and hookers. (Actually, I think he was rather directionless and aimless.)

MEANWHILE! Another kid, let’s call him John, had a dream. See his hero had made the first ever feature length animation movie. So John was like, I will make the first ever computer generated imagery feature length animation movie!

So he became an animator, and worked for his hero. Unfortunately, his hero had died when John was nine years old. So he was working for his hero’s company.

However, he kind of was a little bit too passionate about making his first ever computer generated blah dee blah dee blah. And, as such, he did things that his bosses didn’t know about, that they didn’t want him to do. So they fired him.

He left and swore he’d make his own films, with toys, and fish.

So he went and looked for a job in CGI. And he found Ed (remember, from earlier), who hired him with some weird job title to sneak it past everyone.

They were making films and it was great. But then George ran into money problems. (Which is a weird thought, him being so clever and keeping the action figure rights from Star Wars, and making bazillions off them and everything else Star Wars. It was a divorce though, and presumably they’re not very fun.) Anyway, he had to sell that part of his company. Dun, dun, dunnnnnn…

But Steve (the fruit guy) saw the CGI production department was for sale and he decided to go and buy it. Because you can do that with a slice of a ton of cash.

The heroes, Steve, Ed, and John, were finally together. Finally they could each realise their dream of making a feature length CGI movie.

And for ten years they made commercials and built computers.

Which was a good idea really. They had to develop the technology and make that lampshade short film, and other cool stuff. But eventually, they did it. John, being the director and creative decider. But Steve and Ed being leaders too.

They made the first ever feature length CGI movie in 1995. It was about a cowboy and spaceman. Cut to twenty or so years later, they have gone down in movie history and been a part of many childhoods.

The End.